Arrogance places a person above others, singling them out. Empathy places a person side by side with others. One can not ever truly express empathy while standing apart from others, because when one stands apart one can only see and focus on themselves.

When I started studying, my friends didn‘t come along. They stayed in the cities they grew up in and found a low paying job or another education that seemed to be lower than what they had learned before. To me none of that made sense. Why would you not reach for higher education? Why would you not want to move out of your old, boring hometown? Why would you choose a low paying job immediately, as if accepting that you’ll never be paid more, never work on bigger, more important projects?

I felt like I was the only one walking forward, making a move for my future, while they stayed in the same spot, physically and mentally. Only after a while, I realized that I had lost some of the empathy I had had for them before. I felt like I was better than them, immediately making them not good enough, even though I was very well aware of their struggles with money and their families.

I had lifted off the ground, thinking myself better than someone else, when actually I had just gotten lucky. Arrogance can be such a nasty feeling, but it is also a protection, as it makes you understand what you are good at, what someone else is good at and what you can still strive for. Arrogance is based on confidence and keeps us motivated to keep our status as someone better than someone else.

If arrogance is defined as confidence without empathy then I say, I do not need to understand everyone. If I believe a friend has made a bad decision, I am allowed to feel that I wouldn't have chosen the same. But despite all of this I shouldn't start hating my friends for having different life goals than I do, plus they are more than their decisions, their job and their income.

Friederike Haug